Her Love Letter

Dearest Alec,

I've been so worried about you since you were reassigned to Baghdad. There's so much bad news on  TV. I don't want to watch, but I keep hoping I'll see you.

Yes, Tyler and I both love the videos you sent. He can't get enough of seeing you and your friends driving around in that Humvee.

No, he's not talking yet. He points, drools, coos, and grunts. I think “bleeta-deeble-blum” means Daddy because he points at you on the screen and says it.

I'm so proud. I fixed the front door by myself. Now it closes tight and the wind doesn't blow under it.  Thanks for telling me how to fix it. See? You really do help me out around here. I couldn't have done it without you so lighten up on yourself. By the way, Dad put a new battery in the minivan so watch out world - Tyler and I are back on the road!

I read your letter over and over, crying the whole time. Don't start feeling guilty about that. I'm a girl, I'll cry when I please. I didn't get upset about Jamaal, the explosion, or anything else you wrote. I'm just so relieved you are okay and that you didn't try to protect me by not telling me about it. I hate when you do that, it only makes matters worse.

Thanks for telling me about your friend and trusting me with your heart. Yes, it's terrible he doesn't have anyone at home to grieve over his loss, but we can. I hung a gold star service banner next to your blue one. That way anybody looking at our window can know he was killed in the line of duty.

Alec, how much longer are you going to be in Iraq? You already did your year and another six months on top of that. Now the talk at the Wives Club is that rotations are going to be frozen. How long can they keep you there?

I dread not knowing. I write to you everyday after Tyler goes to bed. It's the only time I can be alone with my thoughts and it's also when I miss you the most. Damn it Alec. You're thousands of miles away and every night I'm sure the front door will swing open and you'll be here. You'll be home with me!

With every creak and bump this old house makes me turn to see if it was you at the door. The silence afterward startles me every time. Since I fixed that door, the curtains hang perfectly still and that makes me feel silly. I was so sure the door was moving. Guess it was just the wind all along.

I'm sleeping in your old BDU coat now. It's a little rough against my skin, but then so are you. If I close my eyes I feel like you're wrapped around me and I can hold the fabric to my face and breathe you in.

You're needed here soldier, but what I realized tonight is; you're desperately needed there. It hurts to tell you this. I'm telling you that you're needed there and my heart is screaming for you to come home. Even now I'm afraid that I've lost you. Yet I know you could never leave your men to face this alone.

They need you, we both know it. You could never forgive yourself if you left them now and I would lose you forever.

I want my man back. Do what you have to do, then come home to me.
I'm sending a few things that might help you. Just a few things we collected for you and the guys to share.

I love you with all my heart.

Tonya